you have successfully clicked le rainbow or maybe you looked at my profile, cheater. ne ways you have happened upon my sexy or maybe unsexy romac rewrite. you may have sum questions....
well 4 1 bc i wanted 2. 2 bc i dont like how the story is going or has gone in sum parts...which isnt unique 2 it. the difference is that romac has so much potential that i think hasnt been fully utilized. i would like 2 clarify that im not doing this bc i hate romac, its bc i love it.
2.where are the pics?
atm there wont be any images accompanying the journals, unfortunately :[ hopefully i will be able 2 draw some visuals soon. if you want 2 draw or say something abt this project 4 whatever reason, you can e-mail me @ firstname.lastname@example.org orrr you can mssg me on tumblr @ kittydog (no relation 2 the apparently very popular animator on yewchube). or comment on my profile.
are you going 2 add/remove characters
as of right now, only a small few minor characters will be added at a later date, maybe. only 1 character will probably be removed
are you going 2 make your ships canon, freak
no....i dont like writing romance and i think that if i made snippy and engie kiss or whatever it would be wierd. plus romac isnt the place 4 shipping i think
i like the original version better yours is gay
shut up idiot im the smartest bitch in this walgreens and youre jealous. tch.
ok erm i think that is enough fake questions and arguments. i will probably edit all of these entries beyond recognition later so *twirls my hair gayly* ok here it is...the first draft. remember that there are supposed 2 be images between like basically every line
I missed the final war that turned humanity to dust.
I was the last one left alive from my science team, circling the dead city for days, having surrendered any hope of finding another human being. And as the wind tore at me, I knew-
"FU-!" My head bounced off of the ice. Hopefully no one saw that. There's a really, really good chance I have a concussion. Probably brain damage too, knowing how lady luck looked upon me.
So, I laid there, looking at the sky. It was dark and menacing, the way the clouds curled liked balled fists, and the snow was starting to tenatively claw through my jacket. Maybe it was a sign. Throw in the towel, buddy, we've been trying to take you out for years. Take a hint.
"I give up." I told it. Bitter.
It was then that lightning shot through the sky, followed by a shock of thunder- I startled onto my elbows. The clouds swirled, circling a sudden bright spot just off the crest of some wreckage mound. The world had adopted an unnatural glow. Any minute now, the stairway to heaven's gates would reveal itself to me.
Instead, I heard a voice call out over the wasteland. I blinked.
"ALOUETTE, GENTILLE ALOUETTE
ALOUETTE JE TE PLUMERAI!"
There it was, in the eye of that bright spot. A person.
"JE TE PLUMERAI LA TÊTE JE TE PLUMERAI LA TÊTE!"
And they were singing a french-canadian children's song.
"BONJOUR, MONSEIGNEUR!" Said the figure, walking toward me with a grace that shouldn't be possible in ankle-high snow.
Of course, the only person I'd seen in- G knows how long- can only speak French.
"ZEE WEATHER IS RATHER LOVELY THIS SPRING, DON'T YOU FIND?" Or not.
"WHY, YOU LOOK RATHER SHABBY! DO YOU FANCY A TASTE OF BOURBON? NO? HOW ABOUT AN EXQUISITE JOB OPPORTUNITY WITH PARTIAL DENTAL BENEFITS AND POTENTIONAL ADVANCEMENT IN ZEE RANKS?
"Are you an angel?" I asked. Did angels wear respirators too?
It looked somewhere off in the distance, a thoughful hand where Its mouth would be. It hummed, then yanked me to my feet, clapping my back so hard that I nearly fell over again.
"I AM ZEE CAPTAIN!" It said," APPOINTED SOVEREIGN, PRESCIENT GOVERNOR AND LADY OF ALL THINGS IN CAPTANIA, THE GREAT AND POWERFUL SYSTEM WIZARD, AND EMISSARY OF HUMANITY!"
They regarded me with...some sort of expression. It looked like their mask was smiling at me. Then, they turned on their heel, arms held out like they could take anything the world gave them.
"BEHOLD, CAPTANIA!" They bellowed.
I looked past their shoulder. Still a cold, lifeless husk of a civilization.
"Oh." Oh, no. This guy is a total nutjob.
"OH, INDEED!" They turned back toward me, and their voice boomed into my skull," YOU ARE QUITE LUCKY TO HAVE BEEN FOUND BY YOURS TRULY!"
Lucky. Yeah, right.
"So, what am I supposed to call you?"
"I JUST TOLD YOU, SILLY CHAP!"
At least they were friendly. Maybe that was lucky. They smacked a hand across my shoulder and began guiding me down the slope. The very same one I had braced myself to die on because I fell. I don't want to talk about it.
"I SHALL ALLOW YOU TO ADDRESS ME BY SUCH GLORIOUS TITLES AS: YOUR GRACE, LADY OF THE LAKE, YOUR EXCELLENCE, YOUR AWESOMENESS, ZEE ALMIGHTY ONE, OR MY LEIGE." They nodded like what was coming out of their mouth was perfectly sensable," THOUGH ZEE CAPTAIN IS MOST BEFITTING!"
My emotive lenses rose. Well- lens. The left one gave out a while ago.
"Sure." My body finally realized that the entire world had ended and I had been walking in subzero temperatures for weeks. I decided to lean on them a little more. Captain could carry me around like the world's worst me-shaped purse for a little while.
If I gave Captain my name, then it was pretty much garunteed that I'd be stuck with them for at least a little while. If not forever. It was either trudging through the wasteland with only the half-baked Sailor Moon tulpa I tried to create when I was fourteen to keep me company, or Captain. Captain could physically pick me up off the ground, but Sailor Moon- oh, who am I kidding?
"My name is Charles Snippy." I said. Captain stopped walking.
"SNIPPY," They considered it," SNIPPS, SNAPPERS, SCHNIPPY, SNOPPY, SNIPPLES, SNOOPY, SNIPLY..."
They prattled on. Now that the government had completely toppled over- besides Captain, I guess- it was well within their power to change my last name. My first, too, if they really wanted to. What was I going to do, evoke the power of the imaginary defunct legal system? The Social Contract? I wonder if Captain has ever read up on Rousseau.
"...SOPPY, SNICKERDOODLE, SNAPPY, KYLE. WELL, THAT SIMPLY WON'T DO!"
Oh great, now I can be a burden to society after it's collapsed, too.
Captain seemed to notice my sulking and hugged me, tightly.
"NOT TO WORRY, MY BLUE FRIEND! YES, YOU SEE, YOU'RE PERFECT, IN FACT, FOR A BRAND NEW SPOT IN THE...THE SNIPPING DIVISION! YES, COME ALONG, SNIPPY! WE MUST GET YOUR PAPERWORK FILED AT ONCE!
"ONWARDS!" And so, with a hearty tug, I was pulled along to...somewhere.
Walking through the wasteland is significantly easier when someone else is doing all the walking, as it would happen.
It was no less unsettling. Sometimes I'd see freakishly tall spider-centipedes that hid behind the pelting snow, or giant, bulbous flies that flashed in the lightning. Yes, it's still storming. It was mostly desolate. The snow stretched on forever, draped across skyscapers and garbage cans alike. Captain sang softly beside me. Something about birds, transcendence, Alice, and commodities. I responded absently to each line. I didn't really need to, but I liked having a reason to talk.
By the time that their song had finished, we'd reached the outskirts of Eureka. Impressive, given that it spanned contintents. A little too impressive.
"AH," sighed Captain," ZEE NATIONAL POST OFFICE HAS BEEN HORRIBLY INEFFICIENT LATELY! I SWEAR, NOT A SINGLE ONE OF MY MAILINGS HAVE BEEN DELIVERED."
"Whatever happened to 'Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds'?" I grumbled.
"INDEED! FORTUNATELY, AMERICAN LAW DOES NOT APPLY HERE."
We continued walking for some time, in silence. I let myself fall in and out of sleep, I think I needed it.
The snow began to let up. You could almost see the sun peek out of the smog, and it smeared golden light wherever it could. It was really terrific. I looked behind me, and there was a line in the snow that stretched from myself to the gloomy horizon. My arms ached.
Captain let me drop onto the ground, where my face smashed into the snow for the second time that day.
"PILOT! OH, PILOT!" called Captain. They clapped their hands and whistled.
I peeled myself off the ground. By some miracle of nature, there was a small cardboard house square in the middle of some debris. It even had a little chimney and a bell. A dormer, even!
"IMPRESSIVE, NO?" Captain nudged me,"JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE ZEE INSIDE!"
"You don't live in that, do you?" I asked.
Captain laughed, "OF COURSE!"
I imagined Captain wiggling through the tiny chimney like a cinderblock-shaped Santa Claus. Actually, now that I looked at it...
"Is that smoke?"
"INDEED! PILOT MUST HAVE NESTLED HIMSELF INSIDE LIKE SOME SORT OF NESTLING ANIMAL."
Captain flicked the bell. What sounded like doors slamming and boots thundering down a staircase came from inside. I peered into the chimney. Aviator headgear peered back at me. It had big lime-
"GAH!" The head lunged at me!
"CAPTAIN!" cried who was probably Pilot. His torso sprouted out of the chimney, and his arm smacked against his forehead in salute,"GOOD TO SEES YOU!"
He twisted his head toward me and pointed a finger. It felt like high school all over again.
"WHATS IS....THAT?" Pilot's voice sounded like a tin can thown into garbage disposal transmitted through a walkie-talkie.
"ZIS IS OUR NEW RECRUIT! DO NOT WORRY, HE IS MORE SCARED OF YOU THAN YOU ARE OF HIM." I was going to be spending the rest of my year-long life with two fog horns. I hope my new pet migraine won't be too rowdy.
"PILOT, ZIS IS SNIPPY, HE WILL BE INTERNING IN OUR SNIPPING DIVISION."
"OUR SNIPPING DIVISION! SNIPPY, ZIS IS ZEE FIRST AND MOST UPSTANDING RESIDENT OF CAPTANIA, PILOT. A MODEL CITIZEN IF I HAVE EVER SEEN ONE, AND I HAVE SEEN THREE!" They wiped a tear from their magenta lenses.
Pilot puffed out his chest. He weighed me with an incredulous gaze, then slunk back down into the house.
"HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO BE HERE?"
"WELL, UNTIL NEXT MONDAY...AND THEN FOREVER AFTER THAT." said Captain, absently.
Pilot sniffed. He shot me one last look, grumbling, then his judgemental lenses dissapeared. Captain crouched in front of a carved out window. This reminded me of the time that some supervisor or something had come in with a new employee, but they'd forgotten to tell the woman he was replacing that she was fired. Naturally, she had a breakdown in front of eveyone when they told her. I would have left but I was printing some papers (also embarrassing, if you were wondering.) I had second-hand embarassment that lasted for a week afterward, and the only thing that helped was that she was having a breakdown in the breakroom. Get it?
"YOU MUSTN'T HOG MY AWESOMENESS, PILOT," chided Captain, gently,"I HAVE DECIDED TO INCREASE ZEE POPULATION OF CAPTANIA SO THAT ZEE BASTARDS THAT DRAW MAPS WILL FINALLY RECOGNIZE US. MR.SNIPPY IS IMPERITIVE TO OUR SUCCESS. JUST THINK: NOW WE CAN PLAY TAG WITH THREE PEOPLE!"
Pilot heaved a sigh, sullenly rolling his head toward Captain.
"I SUPPOSE, IF HE IS SUCH A NECESSITY..." Pilot sighed, again,"...WE WILL HAVE TO ACCOMODATE SUCH AN UNFORTUNATE INCONVENIENCE."
Hey, that hurt! Captain stood, brushing themself off.
"THAT IS THE SPIRIT! ANOTHER DAY OF FRIENDSHIP IN CAPTANIA!" cheered Captain.
They looked off into the horizon, and leaned on the little house. It collapsed.
I met Captain one morning holding a set of binoculars to zeer face (I'll explain.) It was a billboard of a pinup, a woman riding a bomb. "LOVE THE BOMB" it said. She wore blue goggles and a dainty smile.
"What are you doing?" I asked. Not without judgement.
"OGLING." replied Captain.
"NOT IF YOU DON'T FOLLOW THE OGLING CODE OF ETHICS, IT ISN'T!" Zee swung zeer binoculars toward me, then handed me a yellowed paper," I CAN SEE YOUR PORES. FACE WIPE, MONSEIGNEUR?"
"No, you can't." I said, taking the paper. It could have either been the said 'OGLING CODE OF ETHICS" or an improvised face wipe. "What is this?"
"READ IT." Captain waved me off.
It certainly was a grimy peice of paper. I turned it to look at its back, which had a small list:
"OGLING CODE OF ETHICS
1.OGLE ONLY WITH BINOCULATING DEVICE (OGLING WITH THE NAKED EYE IS INDECENT)
2.DO NOT OGGLE THE UNOGGLEABLE
3." Three was a water-mangled marker drawing, depicting a Rorschach Inkblot Test,"
4. OGLE OGLE OGLE OGLE OGLE OGLE OGLE OGLE OGLE OGLE OGLE
5.ELIMINATE ALL DISTRACTIONS, LEST THEY BE OGGLED"
"Captain..." I said.
"CAN'T YOU SEE I'M OGLING?"
"Where did you even type this out at?" I asked,"Actually? Well, no, it doesn't matter --"
"--I came up here for a reason, you know." Captain hummed aggressively,"I'm letting you know that we're running out of food. Again."
When I first came to "CAPTANIA," there wasn't a single sack, or bag, or even designated corner for anything edible. I had to rummage around in dumpsters just to find granola bar wrappers. Oh sure, there was a special shelf for half-melted vintage funko pops, but nary a can of SPAM in sight.
"PAH!" spat Captain," SPAM IS THE MOST LEAST DESIREABLE OF ANY MAIL! LUCKILY, ALL SPAM HAS BEEN THOROUGHLY INCINERATED. AND PILOT IS VERY FOND OF HIS FUNKY POPS."
Did I say that out loud?
"I don't like that you can do that."
"WELL, *I* DON'T LIKE IT WHEN MY OGGLING TIME HAS BEEN DISTURBED BY SOME BOOB!"
"What did you just call me?"
"IT'S OVER FOR YOU, CHAP!" boomed Captain, striking a daunting index finger in between the lenses of my goggles,"YOU'VE OFFICIALLY COMMITTED YOUR FIRST TRANSGRESSION AGAINST THE INCREDIBLY FINE PEOPLE OF CAPTAINIA!"
"WHAT SHALL HIS PUNISHMENT BE?!" Pilot (who was now here) squealed from behind me.
And then the dull sound of something crashing against my head filled the air.
Distantly, wind whipped against my jacket.
When the world ended, I didn't have a plan for being tied to a billboard. It was like being at the top of a rollercoaster, one of the ones with no bottom, but the moment that you shot down the track never came. The air was colder than it was on the ground, and angrier too. It lashed out against me. A grimy peice of paper slapped my face. It wasn't exactly where I preferred to be right now.
"WELL," shouted an uncharacteristically tiny Captain," THIS IS ACTUALLY NOT WHAT I WANTED TO HAPPEN."
Pilot's voice was snubbed out by the wind. Maybe something along the lines of,"IT'S WHAT I WANTED!"
Strings of artificial pink hair spun around my eyes. Somehow, a shockingly pink wig had managed to stay on my head. It was better at holding itself together than I was.
"Why!" I screamed, to the chagrin of my respirator.
"WHAT?!" Captain screamed back.
"Nevermind! Get me down from here!" I kicked my feet against the board.
Judging from how it creaked, it didn't like that very much. Something snapped. The billboard seized forward with a shrill *screeeee* and broke from its metal framework. Now, the 'coaster car flung istelf down the track. except the car was a billboard, and it was swinging around in the sky, and I was screaming and maybe crying, as well as some other things. It was like a horrible, chaotic, twirling ballerina, and she was swinging my organs around in a burlap sack. This was the second time now that I thought I was going to die because I fell. This time though, my fate was definitely sealed once the ground met my face.
It was then that what was left of the billboard, caught on a gust of wind, and gently plummetted to the ground. I was ejected forward, my back scraped against the icy ground until the top of my pink head bumped Captain's combat boots.
"I think my back is broken," I said, hoarsely," I think I'm gonna vomit."
I sluggishly rolled onto my stomach. Three things I hated right now were all of Captania, G-Directorate, and their stupid aerodynamic billboards.
"YOUR PRESENTATION COULD USE SOME WORK, SNIPPERS." Captain patted me on the back, which only served to displace my organs further," DO NOT WORRY, THESE THINGS TAKE TIME! YOU WILL BE A BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY SUCH AS MYSELF IN NO TIME."
"Uh-huh." I groaned.
If I were to yell right now, my voicebox would probably explode. And if I laughed, my diaphragnm would combust. So instead I'm going to explain- to myself, I guess- how I learned an incredibly unhelpful and insignificant fact about Captain, as zee skips around my near-dead body holding hands with Pilot.
So, it begins like this:
One day, yesterday, actually, I returned to the little cardboard house that Pilot and Captain had lived in, with only two bloated cans of beans. The house had been flattened into a rug-esque thing. The only thing on it was a beanbag and its contents spilled around it. I found those styrofoam beads everywhere. Only Pilot was on it, which meant that I would have to talk to him. The past couple of times hadn't gone too well. Usually, I would be accused of "STEALING MINE CAPTAIN AWAY FROM ME!" or "BEING A GENERAL NOOSE-ANTS THAT NEEDED EXPELLED!"
I aproached slowly. Any sudden move, and Pilot would be alarmed. It didn't do much. Pilot perked up, his head jerking toward me like a meerkat.
"YOU!" He gasped.
"Yes," I said, blandly," I actually live here now."
"NOT FOR LONG, YOU SLUG!"
He lurched from the beanbag (more styrofoam balls leaked from its seams) and pointed at me. People are fond of doing that.
"SOON!" cried Pilot,"ZEER DIVINE LADYSHIP WILL SOON REALIZE THAT YOU ARE REALLY VERILY WORTHLESS AND SPORKLY!"
"I SAID: ZEER DIVINE--"
"DON'T INTERRUPT ME!"
"Sorry." Trying to get anything out of Pilot was a lot like trying to get something from an inconvenient place," Zeer."
"ZEER, ZEER D--"
"Zee, zeer. That's what we're calling Captain?"
Pilot only stared, baffled.
"OH, SNIPPLING, YOU POOR, POOR YOUNG CRAB" Pilot came over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder," SEE, PROAR-NOUNS ARE IN FACT WORDS." He looked at me, nodding sagely, and I nodded along with him,"THIS IS ACTUALLY QUITE COMMON KNOWLEDGE, EVEN FOR A BOOB SUCH AS YOURSELF. BUT I WILL TEACH YOU ABOUT THE WORLD! YOU SEE..."
Pilot then went on an hour long talk about the ethics of Paw Patrol. It was actually pretty fascinating and suprisingly sophisticated, even translated through Pilot's horrifying use of the english language. Finally. Something ten miles away from a civil interaction with Pilot. Speaking of.
As he and Captain danced around my body, he kicked me in the head each time they passed it. I sat up, and Pilot kicked high enough to hit me square in the face. So, I laid back down again. This was a microcosm of how the rest of my life would go: me in a pink wig laying in pain on the cold ground, Captain prancing merrily around me, and Pilot periodically kicking me in the head as he, too, pranced. Yay.